This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
