Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
