all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
