My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
