I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
