I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
