So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
