woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
