okay pat passed out under dana's car
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
