I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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