he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
