I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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