how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
