i just had sex bonerless
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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