Please, let me fuck your mom
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
