dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize
