sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
