Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
