I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
