I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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