Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Mom said you looked used
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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