True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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