a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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