a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
