need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
