What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Swine flu is the new snow day.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
