peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
