The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Found your dick twin last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
