He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
