I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
