oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize