just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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