watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
