so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
