Your face is a jimmy john
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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