I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you win again, gameday.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize