Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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