my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
