You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
