I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize