I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize