is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
