stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
