I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
