I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have feelings that need drinking.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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