One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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