can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
