i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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