I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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