you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
