how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
