threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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