i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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