i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
