I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
