so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
