Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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