Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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