Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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