i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
