She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
