yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
