He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
