She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
