We're like a lot better than the average bears
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize