Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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