I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
