my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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