we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When are your genitals available?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
