My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
