Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
