People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
