Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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