so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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