i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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