moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
