Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There's a naked man in my car right now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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