Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
