She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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