Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
