Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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