Duck Duck Cougar?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Welp...herpes.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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