you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
