I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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