i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
