i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
