i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
