he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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