broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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