every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
