it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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