I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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